Change is in the air. Good change. Big change. Some of it – not quite sure how it’ll all work out – change.
But I feel like I’m getting to the point where a lot of the big things are going to finally fall into place. It’s going to be hard. Like seriously hard. They don’t tell you that even the good change – the really, really good change is freaking hard.
As I’ve mentioned several times before…2012 was rough. Especially the end of it. I and mentally and physically put myself in places and situations that crushed my spirit. My usual positivity was replaced with “hanging in there” and “things will be better if/when/insert excuse here.”
I finally got the wake up call I needed that if I didn’t make some change, I was going to be swallowed. There are still a lot of times that I feel this same sea of overwhelm, threatening to drown me, my health and my happiness. The cloud that won’t go away. Even when I try to wrench it off.
But for now, tonight, I feel clarity in the possibility of making it better. Peace in the changes I’ve made, am working towards and continue to make everyday. Going to the chiropractor, going to acupuncture, remembering how much I love the peace of yoga and the frantic release of zumba. That sometimes you just have to ‘stomp out’ – quite literally – a bad day at the gym. That I’m surrounding myself with some pretty amazing friends and people and letting the not amazing ones fade into the background. To not wasting my time on people and pettiness that doesn’t matter. To the husband who somehow deals with all of this and me and loves me despite the bad days. To realizing unhappiness and making the changes to fix it.
Maybe it’s the Mindfulness book I’ve started reading….but despite the fact that I know I’ll wake up to another surge of frustration tomorrow, I feel happy in the knowledge that I am trying. I’m conscious and I’m making every attempt to make it better. To create the better space.
And that’s really all I can do.
I love this: